Tuesday, August 19, 2008

A DISH OUT OF WATER


Well, since I dissed that cute litte Michael Phelps yesterday with the evil swimming cat, I am going to be nice to him today and talk about his diet. I can dig your regimen, MP! Iwould love to consume 12,000 calories a day, as is reported by the Phelps Phanatics, and have practically zero body fat.

According to articles I've seen, Phelps's typical training breakfast is: three fried egg sandwiches with cheese, fried onions, and mayonnaise, followed by a five-egg omelet, bowl of grits, three slices of French toast covered with powdered sugar, three chocolate chip pancakes, and, of course, the required two cups of coffee. (Are you feeling full yet?) Lunch is a pound of pasta, two or three grilled ham and cheese sandwiches, with mayo, topped off with a 1,000-calorie energy drink. Dinner is another pound of pasta and a whole pizza (be still, my heart!) and more energy drinks.

Now, I am worried about Michael Phelps, but not for cholesterol or triglyceride reasons. I'm sure he's burning off those mega calories in his mega workouts and races, and he will cut back in the off season. Here's why I'm concerned: he's totally blowing his chances to become the next darling on the front of a Wheaties box!!! General Mills is not going to be happy to hear he is not downing a few hundred boxes of the Breakfast of Champions each morning. He either needs to reform his eating habits ASAP or hope his business manager works out some lucrative deals for him with Pizza Hut, Farm Fresh Eggs, and Aunt Jemima.

French toast and pancakes for breakfast? A whole pizza for dinner? And still skinny? Ahhhhh! Michael Phelps, all gold medals aside, you are my dietary hero. I apologize for tossing a cat at you yesterday. You can jump safely back into the pool now. But first...pass me the syrup.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

My trainer is Nebojsha Bictek. He was a swimmer in the Olympics in Athens. He is about six four. He used to have less than 3% body fat and froze to death all the time. He is a carb fanatic still and bread is his weakness. He is now trying to improve his diet. He says the swimmer's diet has no veggies in it at all. He also says that they all eat and nap in the afternoon to put on more mass. Nebojsha is shaped like a wedge. Big shoulders, tiny waist and skinny other than those huge shoulder muscles. He is mainly concerned that the new swimsuits cut so much drage that comparing records with people who didn't wear them years ago is not fair.

Nancy Evans said...

What country did your trainer represent in Athens? Ah, an afternoon nap after all that food sounds perfect! Yeah, the suits are high-tech looking. Mark Spitz's mustache alone (back in 1972) probably added seconds to his times!

Jaime said...

I know, when I heard about his diet I was shocked!! I understand needing all of the calories, but isn't there some logic to gaining energy from healthier foods! Aw, maybe I'm just jealous that I can gain 10 lbs. in one bad weekend!

Anonymous said...

Yum!

Nebojsha was trained as a Russian athlete and his Dad is a member (former) of the Russian military and now lives in Montenegro. His Mom is my age, but I have better teeth, and she lives in Bosnia. He represented Bosnia then. His major accomplishments were in the University Games and he loved competing in Japan. As he says, he ate there for three weeks and then swam a very fast 31 seconds!! He is very, very pleased to be living in America.