DING-DONG

Whenever the doorbell rings and I don't spot an adult human on the front porch, I know the fun is about to begin.

"I have something to show you," the neighborhood four-year-old said. He held out a wiggling critter.

"What in the world is that?" I asked, feigning horror.

"It's a locust," he said proudly.

"Is it alive?"

"Yes. Watch. It tickles my face." He held the bug up to one of his cheeks to demonstrate. "You want it to tickle your face?"

"Sure. Go ahead." He eagerly complied. "That doesn't tickle!" I said. "That feels like I'm being clawed to death!"

His big sis, the third grader, soon joined us. "Whatcha doing?" I asked her.

"I'm bored. So I came over here so I wouldn't be bored anymore." She had some sort of noisemaker in her mouth that made duck sounds, and she proceeded to hum "Jingle Bells."

And, like magic, who should arrive but the mail carrier with (drum roll, please) the first Christmas catalogue of the season. Oh, boy!!!! We sat down on the front steps and started looking through it, immediately finding worthless stuff we just HAD to have.

"I want that! Wow! Look at this! Turn back...I gotta see that. Isn't that cute?" Even the locust was excited.

When we made the first run-through of the catalogue and my stomach started crying out for lunch, I decided to make a big sacrifice.

"You kids can have this catalogue. Take it home and be sure to show your mom and dad what all you like." They happily toodled off, ready to start on their Christmas lists.

"Their parents are going to kill you," Big Bore, an innocent bystander, commented.

"Oh, I'm just being neighborly. And Christmas is ONLY four months away."

But I have a feeling that catalogue is going to be shoved back into my mailbox long before then, if Mom and Dad have any say-so in the matter.